Shape of Things

A friend recently posted this joke on Facebook: “How many SEO experts does it take to change a lightbulb, light bulb, bulb, lamp, light, eco-bulb, bulbs, fluorescent tubes?”

It was timely for me because I’ve been noticing lately that the fine art of headline writing is being reduced to long expository sentences weighted down by keywords.  Made me think that a classic headline such as “Headless Body in Topless Bar” could end up like this: “Deceased Resident without Head Found in Exotic Bar and Lounge Establishment by New York City Police Department.”

It also reminded me of the laziest headline writer I’ve ever seen.  He’d write his lead sentence, then use the opening five or six words for his headline.  I don’t think he’s alive today.  Too bad. His time has come courtesy of SEO.

Organizations that encourage writers to lard their headlines and lead sentences with key search terms are missing something very basic: People don’t want to read garbage.  They want something that reels them in, captivates and excites them, makes them want to share with others.

Incredibly good content is the best magnet to bring people to your site and keep them there.  If you don’t believe me, take a look at what your friends and colleagues pass along to you via twitter or Facebook.  Bet it’s the content, and perhaps even the headline, that grabbed them.

This isn’t an either/or situation, of course.  A good writer can make SEO and Great Content skip up the hill hand in hand and pick daisies together.  Just make sure that SEO doesn’t get too arrogant and kick Great Content’s ass down the hill.

Before Twitter, there were even shorter blasts of pithy language, where plangent puns, juxtaposition, jaunty wordplay and irony stretched their splendid feathers daily.

They were called headlines.  Sadly, they are becoming a lost art amid bland, search-engine-optimized titles affixed like a shabby gimme-cap above press releases and case studies.

Fortunately, we still have some examples of the art used to entice, delight and amuse.

Heads of the class

Give thanks that the New York Post continues to wave the flag.  The Post, of course, penned perhaps the greatest tabloid headline: “Headless Body Found in Topless Bar.” In the past couple of years, Post headlines have branded the womanizing Alex Rodriguez as “Stray Rod” and blared this message after a humiliating Yankee loss on a Mexican holiday: “Stinko de Mayo.”

In a more serious vein, the Wall Street Journal holds sway daily with an array of headlines that draw a curious reader into the story like a barker in front of a circus tent.  Wow, I never knew I’d be interested in yak farming!  WSJ can put on the jester’s cap at times, too, as when it topped its story about petty jealousy among male British writers toward Martin Amis with this tickler: “British Writers Suffering from Amis Envy.”

Why heads matter

OK, so fun is fun, but what do great headlines have to do with the humble press release, case story or blog posting?

Just as in a newspaper, technical publication or web site, the headline makes the difference in who reads a piece and who doesn’t. Take a look at Business Wire or PR Newswire.  Is there a headline in any of those press releases that makes you want to read it?

Now, I know what you’re saying: “We can’t do what news outlets do.  We have requirements, such as getting the company’s name and/or keywords in the headline.”  Yes, these are real challenges, but they shouldn’t make you settle for the mundane. You don’t have to be Oscar Wilde: If you can’t make the headline entertaining, or the subject matter won’t support it, strive for clean, clear and concise.

Here are some examples from my vaults.

This one pulled out a user quote to add life to a new product announcement:

Red Gate’s new ANTS Memory Profiler 5:
“freaking sweet” to find memory leaks in minutes

Here’s another for a press release on software used to make 56-foot-tall models of soccer players:

Geomagic makes soccer players
larger than life in Zurich train station

If you can’t fit the differentiating information into a two-deck headline, opt for the big kicker head followed by a detailed headline:

The City Tap opens in Pittsboro

Amp builder, ex-bookseller and sculptor combine comfort
of neighborhood bar with eclectic mix of art, sound, food & drink

It’s your business

None of the above headlines is a classic, but they are different enough from the bland labels that sit atop most stories – just enough to attract an editor or to pull in readers that might otherwise pass over this material.  And, ultimately, that’s what we’re supposed to be doing – getting people to pay attention. It’s not a sideline or an ancillary goal; it’s a requirement.  Every time out, we need to remember that the story starts from the top.

In software development, it’s called “feature creep.” Here’s how it’s defined in Wikipedia:

Feature creep is the proliferation of features in a product such as computer software. Extra features go beyond the basic function of the product and can result in baroque over-complication rather than simple, elegant design.

Increasingly, the equivalent of feature creep is invading our written communication. It comes in the form of annoying traits that have embedded themselves like killer algae in our text. Here are my 10 creepy things in no particular order. I’d love to hear yours.

1. Those annoying quotation marks everywhere. Thanks to Lynne Truss for telling the world about this in Eats, Shoots & Leaves, and to Seth Godin for reminding us recently.

2. Improper use of apostrophes (thanks again, Seth).

3. Turning nouns into awful verbs. Don’t incent me, please.

4. Avoiding the active voice.

5. Misleading headlines and hard-to-identify jump heads.

6. Typos – they’re everywhere despite (or probably because of) spellcheckers.

7. The 50+ word sentence and 20-line paragraph.

8. Indirect sentences stacked up like planes at LaGuardia.

9. Excessive adverbs and exclamation points.

10. Jargon-filled corporate speak that only insiders understand.

When organizations let these things happen – in brochures, on web sites, in press releases, blogposts and tweets – one can only surmise that they don’t care whether people think they are stupid, careless and insensitive. You are what you communicate.

This is part 2 of a primer on editing.  Much of this comes from a Folio magazine seminar taught by Peter Jacobi more than 25 years ago.  Jacobi is now professor emeritus at the Indiana University School of Journalism.

What to avoid

Delaying the subject in a sentence

      Bad:        The goals and objectives of writers…

      Good:      The writer’s goals and objectives…

The passive voice

      Bad:        The purchase of hardware is a tedious chore.

      Good:      Buying hardware is tedious.

Excess adjectives

      Bad:        The Internet-enabled, scalable and robust X14AB is a good tool.

      Good:      The X14AB works on the Internet and is able to expand to fit users’ needs.

Hyperbole

      Few actions are outrageous, cities are rarely paralyzed and very few things are vital.

Clichés

Trash high-scalability, high-performance, highly interactive, state-of-the-art and other meaningless phrases.

Pretentious language

      Away with paragon, parameters, debilitate, facilitate.

Newly minted “verbs”

      In general, any word with “ize” and “ate” at the end could be dangerous.  Don’t

      synergize, hypothesize, strategize or caffinate.

Needless words

“he is a man who hunts” should be “he hunts”; “the fact that” is a term we can do without.

Exclamation points

      Except for “World at War!,” there are very few causes for this punctuation.

Using quotations for easily documented facts

      “PlutoView costs $3,000 for a license,” says Joe Magnum.

Backing into sentences

      Bad:        When it comes to electronics, he is an expert.

      Good:      He is an electronics expert.

Non-sequiturs

      His hair flowed majestically, making him a good candidate for the space program.

What to embrace

Direct, short sentences

Repetition, if it makes a sentence simpler

Common words used in a conversational tone

Reinforcing messages by phrasing them in different forms

Using a semicolon for forcefulness:

      Her romances are entertaining; they are full of exciting adventures.

Being specific:

      Bad:        They work on computer models containing millions of polygons.

      Good:      They work on computer models containing 10-million polygons or more.

Sentences in positive form:

      Bad:        He was not very often on time.

      Good:      He usually came late.

You have the power…be good with it

Editing gives you the power to shape messages in a way that will interest, inform and entertain your readers.  Power has its responsibilities, of course.  You must be a benevolent ruler, always keeping in mind the needs of your readers and being gentle with your writers.  May the editing force be with you.

References:

The Art of Editing, Floyd K. Baskette and Jack Z. Sissors, 1971, The Macmillan Company, pp. 418-419

The Associated Press Stylebook and Libel Manual, Addison-Wesley Publishing.

Editing is a lost art, or at least a misplaced one.  It used to be rare to see a typo or grammatical error in the New York Times; now, it’s almost a daily occurrence.

Although it might seem a bit anachronistic, good editing matters.  How many times have you left a website because of poorly written text or typos? Poor writing and editing often precede the sound of business walking out the door.

I could go on, but the importance of editing is something people get or they don’t.  For those who do, here’s a two-part primer.  It’s no Strunk and White, but it’s a start.  Much of this comes from a Folio magazine seminar taught by Peter Jacobi more than 25 years ago.  Jacobi is now professor emeritus in the Indiana University School of Journalism.

What is Editing?

Editing is selection – knowing what to put in, what to take out, and how to prioritize information.

What is an Editor?

·         A creative planner

·         A visionary

·         A procurer and selector

·         A researcher

·         A conscience

·         A utility person

·         An understudy

·         An enforcer

·         A protector

·         A big-picture person

·         An attention-to-detail person

·         A servant

·         A trench worker

·         A voice

·         A cynic

·         A learner

·         A benevolent dictator

·         An unsung hero

Editing: The Two-Headed Monster

Micro-editing – helping the writer by concentrating on words, meaning, style, structure

Macro-editing – serving the reading audience by setting the agenda, tone and image

10 Ways to Become A Great Editor

1.      Read

2.      Write

3.      Perceive

4.      Appreciate

5.      Analyze

6.      Study

7.      Practice

8.      Be curious

9.      Learn from mistakes

10.  Be helpful

Begin at the Beginning

Know your audience: who they are, what they do, what they know, what they want to know, how they want to find out.

What Every Reader Wants

·         Information – as succinctly and clearly as possible.

·         Interpretation – what does it mean and how does it relate to my world?

·         Entertainment – yes, even technically oriented material should entertain.

What We Don’t Want to Do…

·         Assume that the audience is captive and that the message is a must for the reader – no story has a divine right to be read.

·         Write for the masses – each story goes out to an individual; picture the lonely engineer in the windowless cubicle and bring some light into his or her day.

·         Get into a rut – give readers change before they realize they want it.

·         Bore your reader – stay unique, focus on being different, lively.

The 6 Cs for Success

1.      Clarity

2.      Concise

3.      Complete

4.      Constructive

5.      Credible

6.      Conversational

Oh, and a Couple More

Consistent

Captivating

Part 2:  What to avoid and what to embrace.

References:

The Art of Editing, Floyd K. Baskette and Jack Z. Sissors, 1971, The Macmillan Company, pp. 418-419

The Associated Press Stylebook and Libel Manual, Addison-Wesley Publishing.

Good writing has rhythm and flow.  Read your’s aloud.  Does it swing like a pendulum do or like Duke would do?

Before finalizing, read over that press release, case study, memo or planning document as if you are a complete idiot in the subject matter.

Parts 1 and 2 of this series covered preparation for writing a good case study.  This part deals with the hardest – and most satisfying – aspects of the process: writing and presenting the article.

When fingertips hit the keys

·         Follow your outline or don’t.  Your outline should be a guide, not a noose.  Often when you begin the flow of writing, you find that logic dictates a different sequence of information.  Let logic be your guide.

·         Try not to get stuck or hung up on one aspect or another of the story.  If you are having problems expressing something, leave a placemark and move ahead.

·         If you don’t have a strong lead, don’t fret.  Complete the bones and meat of the story and then come back to the sauce.

·         Stick with the basics.  Get your basic story down on paper first, then go back and fill in the blanks and fine tune.

·         Rewrite, rewrite, rewrite.  Good writing is rewriting.  Nobody gets it right the first time.  Don’t fret; consider four or five rewrites part of the process of producing a great story.

·         Read like an idiot.  Read your story as if you know nothing about the product and the application.  Act as if you are learning-impaired when reading through any scenario described in your story.

·         Read like a cynic.  Make believe you are not sold on this product or this story.  Proof-reading with a sneer on your face might help.

·         Eliminate redundancy.  I won’t say it again.

·         Work and rework your lead(s).  Rarely does a great lead introduce itself to you at the beginning of the writing process.  Consider several different leads and analyze them according to relevance, level of interest, connection to the story as a whole.  This is when you wrack your brain for irony, coincidence, humor, comparisons, word plays on clichés, history, current events, or anything else (as long as it is relevant to the story) that will attract attention.

·         Feed your head.  The headline is not a label, it’s a miniature story.  While writing and rewriting the story, work over different permutations of the headline in your head.  Write down ideas as they come to you, wherever you happen to be.

·         Leave something for your fans.  End with a bang.  Or at least come full circle to your lead.  But, don’t end as if you were tired of writing.

Presenting the article

When you send the article for review, make sure the customer knows the audience for which it is intended.  Give a specific date for when you want to have comments and/or approval.  Thank the customer for all of his or her help in preparing the article; treat him or her like a partner or co-writer.

When comments are received, think about them from the reviewer’s point of view.  Make changes that are necessary.  If you think a change damages the story, talk to the customer about it.  Approach it as a partnership, telling him or her that you are afraid that omitting a key fact, for example, will damage the credibility of the story for the audience.  Try to work around problems, while maintaining the integrity and value of the article.

Use in good health

The guidelines presented here are from years of experience in writing case studies that have value to editors and readers.  They are based on many more successes than failures, but they are still guidelines, not rules. Your mileage may vary, but not by too much.

Part 2 of “Anatomy of a Case Study” covers specific interview questions and preparation before writing.

Here are some basic questions (outside of the 5 Ws and an H) that can be used to get detailed, results-oriented answers that are the foundation of good case studies:

·         What factors made you decide to purchase Product A?

·         How did Product A compare to other products on the market?

·         What process did you go through to make your buying decision?

·         Did you have metrics or goals set for Product A before your purchase?  Are those metrics being met?  Do you anticipate the metrics being met?  If metrics will be exceeded, by what percentage?

·         What effect is Product A having on time-to-market?  Can you give a percentage increase in speed?

·         What effect is Product A having on quality?  Can you give a specific example?

·         How is Product A saving your company (or potentially saving your company) money?  How much money do you think you’ll be able to save? (dollar value or percentage)

·         Is Product A helping increase customer satisfaction or participation?  How?  What effect has that had on your company and its products and/or services?

·         Has Product A eliminated any steps in your processes?  If so, how?  Why is it significant?

·         Can you describe a project in which Product A has been particularly effective?

·         What was the process before implementing Product A?

·         What is the configuration (no. of systems, hardware, name of software module, peripherals, etc.) of Product A?

·         Is Product A being used in conjunction with other products?  Which products and how are they used together?

·         In what departments or facilities is Product A being used?

·         Has Product A improved communication between departments, functions or facilities?

·         How has Product A helped your company become more competitive?

·         In what upcoming projects will you use Product A?  When will they take place and how will Product A help you improve your results?

·         Do you expect Product A to be used by other departments, functions and facilities in the future?  Which ones?  How will it be used?

·         Anything to add that we haven’t covered?

Before Fingers Hit the Keyboard

Before you begin writing, read over your notes a few times thoroughly, embedding the information in your head.  Think about these things:

·         Similar stories you’ve read in the publication(s) targeted for the story.  How are they presented?  What information do they highlight?  How long are they?  For whom are they written?

·         The single, most unique aspect of the story.

·         Measurable, definable benefits that can be documented.

·         Prioritizing information from a reader’s standpoint, from most to least important.

·         Quotes that can be used to enhance information, express opinion, or act as an anchor to the story.

·         Look for irony, coincidence, humor, history, a tie-in to something familiar, or a specific scene that can set a stage.

Based on the information above, prepare an outline of the story.  Don’t worry if there are still some holes or if you don’t have the lead figured out.  Holes can be filled or worked around and leads often bubble up once the basic story is down on paper.

Next: Writing and presenting the story.

Is there any document more vilified – and justifiably so – than the press release? Maybe legal documents and corporate mission statements, but in the land of bad writing, confused messages and blatant puffery, the press release is royalty.

As a public service, I present a short guide on how to do palatable press releases.  If you go beyond palatable to noteworthy, congratulations, you are in the elite company of about half of one percent of press release slingers.  Don’t believe me? Go to BusinessWire or PR Newswire and check it out for yourself.

Here are my 10 simple tips:

(1) Ruthlessly consider whether you need a press release.  The world would be a much better place if this sniff test was applied (see earlier post).

(2) Consider what you are announcing and who is going to want to hear about it.  Divorce yourself temporarily from your company’s or client’s corporate rhetoric and consider how you can show – not tell – the value of your news to the IT guy, CAD user or animator in your target audience.

(3) Determine the one or two things that are most newsworthy about your release and put that in the lead paragraph (the “lede” in news parlance) as simply and clearly as possible.

(4) The timeless five Ws and an H (Who, What, When, Where, Why and How) still work. Make them the foundation of your release, and add one more for the cynics (most of us) out there: “So what”?

(5) Avoid adjectives and overused, trite phrases.  In best cases, they will be ignored.  In worst cases, they’ll be a source of derision.  Leave any superlatives to customer or third-party quotes, and even tone these down so as not to create suspicion of payoffs.

(6) Write headlines that entice (“Headless body in topless bar”) or at least clearly summarize your news and the impact it will make on the target audience.  If a brief headline can’t do the job, add a subhead.

(7) Use declarative sentences.  Use short paragraphs. Use bullets for lists, but don’t make lists too long.

(8) Look at your release with a jaundiced eye.  Imagine Bogart as Eddie Willis in “The Harder They Fall” looking over your shoulder at your copy or Tina Brown peering over her reading glasses at that overly long paragraph.

(9) Have some fun with analogies or quotes – unless you work for certain agencies, your releases aren’t likely to be life-and-death stuff.

(10) Be interesting.  Surprise or delight if possible.  If you can’t manage any of those, at least be honest and straightforward.

There’s a whole lot more that could be said, but follow the above and you will be a superstar in the pantheon of press release writers.  Dubious distinction perhaps, but it’s a start.