Regrettable opening lines
March 31st, 2009
When I was in college, a good friend nervously opened a major presentation in a poetry course this way: “I feel like I should start with a joke. My hometown is so small it legalized incest.” Except for my snickering, utter silence.
A few years before as a particularly unworldly freshman, I was confronted with a tribunal of girls who wanted to screen my worthiness to court their girlfriend. I began my case and sealed it with this intro: “Well, I’ve been with a lot of girls…”
A leading technology analyst and editor once opened his conference keynote speech on an optimistic note: “Life’s a bitch, and then you die.”
After college, I did a combined slide/audio presentation on reggae and debuted it at a party. A friend’s wife came up to me afterwards and said: “I really didn’t think you were smart enough to do something like that.”
Me to future wife at beginning of a date early in our relationship: “Whew, your breath is bad…”
Guy to me after introducing myself at a business meeting: “You must get a lot of jokes about that name.” Me: “Ugh, not really…”
Some lines don’t leave us no matter how hard we try to forget them. What regrettable lines have stuck with you?
15 years ago, first day at new job, rounding the cubes to meet my new co-workers. Me: “Hi. Rob [my manager] mentioned there were a lot of pregnant women in this group. When are you due?” Her: “Three months ago.” Doh!